Fish Hook Face...

Yes, H actually got a fish hook caught in his cheek last night when we went to the L's for dinner. They spent the evening in the ER digging it out. It is ALWAYS H!!! If something is going to happen to someone, it is going to be him. Didn't cry, didn't scream or go crazy...just calm and cool as if a 4 inch lure wasn't laying across his face, just dangling there. The ER nurse actually asked what the problem was when they went to check him into the ER...when she finally looked up, she seemed appropriately embarrassed! Put a damper on our social outing, that is for sure...I think we are done fishing for the summer!

The Jump Around...

Birthday parties, birthday parties, birthday parties! With three kids 8 and under, we have at LEAST one birthday party a weekend. I have had to change the budget just to accommodate the gifts we buy weekly. This morning's celebratory outing was to the Jump Around...new to town. Basically a room with about 8 bounce houses in it....joy to the world. Set loose about 20 7 year old boys, and I don't care who you are, that's a good time right there. I counted seven crying encounters, three scrapes, 2 with actual blood flow, at LEAST 12 hurt feelings, 20 or so near fatal falls...good times for all...and at 10 in the morning on a Saturday!!!! We left with the most obnoxious blow toys that any parent who would feel inclined to include in a gift bag should be just shot right there on the spot, save the world from nuts like that!!! We are sunburned too after a day swimming at the pool...great Mom, just finished cancer treatment and lets her kids get sunburned....That will go in my book of great Mom debacles. T is working tonight and I am tired. Ordered takeout again....God is good.....cooking is not.

No A.C....

We went to David S.'s Mom's funeral today. Never met the lady and I still cried, probably too much by how T was looking at me. He and I got into some ridiculous, but painful argument before the service. He seems to always fall short when it comes to me emotionally. I can't get him to understand how BAD I feel. Achey, weak, shakey and tired (constantly)...could this be a country and western song? Oh I am so sick of feeling sick. I can't seem to focus on anything else but how bad I feel. The kids are bickering their summer away....probably my fault too.

Confused on how to help SW with her marriage problems. ACole seems to think I am the one to help her, but she doesn't want my help. Speak to me God if this IS your plan. Show me what to do. Mom is feeling guilty about not helping enough, but yet she still hasn't kept the kids for me. The AC went out in the burb (MORE $$$$) and I am one constant body of sweat. I am looking at a mound of laundry that is much higher than my will or my strength or my spirit. In fact, if you check, I think you might find me buried underneath it. The only thing I can get a little worked up about is that some of my shows are canceled...Ok, thats a lie...I get worked up about everything.

If I go down to the pool to swim, will you wash all of my sins away??

After all this time...

I haven't even been to this site for a year and a half....only one person still came (thank you Sunny.) I am six months cancer free, but do not feel well yet. The medicine I am taking is stealing whatever was left of who I used to be. Shaky, tired, weak, numb....I go through the routine of my day hoping my chidren don't resent me. That they won't grow up and JUST remember how sick mom always was, how she never seemed well enough to play. How will they know that was never how I planned it? That I used to be funny? That the cancer only killed me on the inside but left my body here...responsible for three young lives when I can't manage my own. I hope it will get better...I can only pray that it will...

I love...

Rereading my first three posts, I feel like I need to flip to some positive things that I absolutely love and focus on these for a while. Would "LOVE" anyone to leave what they absolutely love in a comment.

I love...
-Curling up beside a warm fire
-My hubby making all the beds before he leaves for work
-My children's laughter
-Bear hugs
-Compliments unexpectedly
-Finding money in a coat pocket
-Getting real mail
-A good glass of Merlot
-Old hymns
-Time alone to scrapbook
-Finishing what I start
-Board games
-A good book
-Random "What if?" questions that are irrational and crazy and pop into my head all the time and make me laugh.
-Foot rubs
-Boiled, spicy crawfish and a cold Shiner Bach
-Knitting
-Hearing my son read
-Snow skiing
-The beach trips in Texas
-Date night
-Alpha Chi Omega
-My Dad
-Fabulous pajamas

Time alone...

OK, I wanted a break (begged for it actually), so hubby and kiddos took off for a weekend sister-in-laws to do some hunting and fishing. Three whole days and two nights where NOBODY needs me for ANYTHING. Time alone, peace and quiet...total relaxation! This is what I've been whining about for months and was I happy???? Of course not. It was too quiet, I got bored after the first day, a bag of M&M's later and the whole first season of LOST under my belt. I ordered a pizza the way I like it, stayed up till 2:00 am....whoa nelly and could have slept till noon. Did I? No my internal clock was wide awake at 6:30 as usual as if the walls themselves were wailing for cereal and cartoons. I have come to the realization I must be impossible to please, because for once I got what I wanted and was still down. How sad. I was hoping I'd even miss the family so much it would be good for me. But am I??? Well, they'll be here in about 30 minutes and I'm still planning my big escape. At least I know it's me now and not my kiddos, irritating husband, company or anything else. It's all my fault and when you think you want time alone and you are a big bore...what should I expect????

Company...

Why do we call it that? Company??? I always feel like I'd rather be alone when company comes. It never seems to be the people I'd like to be spending my whole weekend with, or vacation or holiday....NO! It's the in laws that think you're inhospitable when they arrive and the appetizers aren't ready; it's the sister-in-law who wholeheartedly agrees after her 4th glass of wine that, "Yes, most of the family never did like you." It's the uncle who teaches your 4 year old to say "I don't have time for this shit, Mom!!" You've spent 100's on groceries, slaved in the kitchen, labored over your house till it's spotless only for it to be reduced to rubble after 3 days of "company", and here I am...left to feel more alone than ever... even though you are surrounded by COMPANY...